It is gonna take me several time out to sort things out.
I am sorry for hurting you so much and what have I done, I am sorry.
I had done this before and I done it again. I am sorry.

Why is it like this?
It started from a guy who worked in my neighbourhood and now it starts from a guy who bore strong reminder and then turns up to be the kinda guy that I wished or had imagined him to be.
3 years of difference.
He was 3 years older then. He is 3 years younger now. In between was like 4-5 years of gap and there is you.

I don't mean that he has got anything to do with what I did today. But seeing him, I can't help but wanna talk more to him, see him smile and do the things I wanted to do then. Subsituition of memories? Maybe yes, maybe not. He is not him afterall and he is not here.

That is Dream.
This dream is gonna be shortlived anyhow.
I dunno why he tells me that boss wants to place him out to work(and I already know) and I dunno why I asked him if he really wants to go?

I guess this is gonna be good anyhow.
Without him around then I would be able to sink hard to reality.

Reality is here.
Reality is gonna be less painful and less emo-volting.(Emotion revolting)
I dunno if Jason is gonna wait, gonna take it and I dunno if I really want him to wait and take this? All I want is to be fair to Jason and be able to go back to where we were but all these...only can happen when I stop dreaming.

I know I am so damn selfish.
Do I wish not to be any of you? Loving one and only. It is not the matter of whether you know what is love or not. Love is to each of his definition. Love is once a feeling and when you are responsible enough, a promise too. I know what is love, I guess but I do not know how to really love someone.

Before I was officially attached, I once felt I was terrible. Terrible enough to hurt those people who loved me and I dunno why I did that.
Terrible is how I feel again.

Open up my heart?
I guess it is closed for maintenance till I get sober.

Sorry doesn't takes us anywhere further and it doesn't mean a thing, I know. I am sorry still.